


Growing a Family

by 3_is_a_magic_number



Series: The Life and Times of Penelope Garcia and Luke Alvez [5]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: F/M, Family Fluff, case involved
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:26:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 21,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27330442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/3_is_a_magic_number/pseuds/3_is_a_magic_number
Summary: Penelope gets called to work in the field, she's shocked by what she discovers.
Relationships: Garvez - Relationship, Luke Alvez/Penelope Garcia
Series: The Life and Times of Penelope Garcia and Luke Alvez [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1825984
Kudos: 16





	1. A Shock

Two months later and I’m being awoken by my phone buzzing on the nightstand. I reach over as best I can, trying not to wake Luke. I lay on my back and quietly answer.

“Hello?”

“Hello, Garcia it’s Hotch.”

“I know, I assume we have a case?” I ask.

“Yes, we’re meeting at the airstrip in an hour, we’re going to need you to come along on this one.” Hotchner says.

“Sir?” I ask, thinking that there’s no way I heard him right.

“I’m sorry, Penelope, you heard me right. I’ll see you in an hour.” Hotch says, before he ends the call.

I lay there rubbing my eyes and trying to wake up when I hear Luke’s voice. “How long do you have?” I startle.

“I’m so sorry I woke you.” I say as I roll back to my side, facing Luke. I scratch at the back of his head before answering. “An hour, at the airstrip. I have to go along on this one.”

Luke closes his eyes and remains quiet for a few minutes. “I wish you didn’t.” Luke says, quietly.

“I wish I didn’t either. Hopefully, I’ll be back soon.” Luke pulls me in close and we kiss for a few minutes.

He pulls back and says. “I’ll get the boys loaded in the car, I guess we’ll need to swing by Quantico for your laptop.”

“We’re not waking the boys at 2 in the morning, it’s bad enough we’re awake.” I say.

“Well, how are you going to work?” Luke asks.

“As much as I appreciate you driving me around, you do remember that I can drive, right?” I chuckle.

“I know.” Luke says, pecking my lips. “But we only got one car.”

“Technically, we have two. I’ll take your truck right now. Juanita can drive you in my car to the airstrip to pick up your truck, later this morning.” Luke looks at me unconvinced. “I just don’t want the whole house up because I got called into work.” I say.

“I guess that could work.” Luke admits, reluctantly. I close my eyes and nuzzle into his neck for a few minutes, enjoying his arms.

“I should get up and get ready. I hope they know they’re not getting the full Penelope Garcia effect this time of night.” I say, rolling over and sitting on the edge of the bed, Luke laughs.

He sits up and kisses my shoulder. “I’ll pack you and the baby some snacks and your vitamins. Do you want me to make you a cup of tea for the road?” He asks, hooking his chin on my shoulder.

“Yes, please. Thank you, Luke.”

“No problem.” He says, kissing my cheek before I get up and head to the bathroom.

I emerge from the bathroom 15 minutes later wearing leggings, a long flowy tunic, and a zipper hoodie. I’ve put on minimal make up and my hair is up in a ponytail. I pack a few changes of clothes, heels, and matching accessories for when I have more energy to devote to my look. Lastly, I throw my make-up bag in before heading downstairs to find Luke. I set my bag by the door and walk to the kitchen. Luke is standing at the island, staring into space while putting the top on a travel mug.

“Hey, you okay?” I ask, quietly, resting my hand on his arm.

“Yeah, fine.” He says, quickly, giving me a close-lipped smile. “Here’s your tea.” He says, handing me the travel mug.

“Thank you.” I say, taking it with a kiss. “You sure you’re okay?” I ask, squeezing his arm.

He ducks his head. “I’m just worried about you going out in the field.” Luke says.

I pull him into a hug. “The team will do everything in their power to keep me safe.” I say.

Luke holds me tight for a few minutes before saying “You should go, you’re gonna be late.” I pick up my travel mug and my lunch bag and walk towards the door with Luke following behind, I pick up my purse, my go bag, and my keys, giving Luke one more kiss. I disarm the alarm and open the door. Luke follows me into the foyer.

“Where are you going?” I ask as I open the outer door.

“I’m going to stand at the top of the stairs and make sure you make it to the truck okay and get going safely.” I nod, I turn and give him another hug and kiss.

“I’m gonna miss you and our boys. I love you.”

“I’ll miss you two too, I love you.” Luke says, putting a hand on my stomach before bending down and giving my stomach a kiss.

I walk to the car, parked at the other end of the block, and throw my bags in the back, before climbing into the driver’s seat. I readjust all the mirrors and the seat and put my seatbelt on. Luke waves to me as I drive past the house. 

I greet Barry the security guard and show him my I.D. when I make it to Quantico to pick up the equipment I think I’ll need to work in the field, including my issued bulletproof vest.

I drive out to the airstrip and am about 10 minutes late. I park and gather my go bag, my purse, my lunch bag and my tea. Leaving the rest for a second trip.

“I’m sorry I’m late.” I say as I enter the jet. “I had to stop at the office and pick up my equipment, which I still need to run out and grab from my truck, well, Luke’s truck.” I ramble as I set my things down in an empty seat.

“It’s not a problem, Garcia.” Hotch says.

“I’ll come help you, Mama.” Derek says, standing up.

“Thank you.” I breathe out. We walk back down the stairs and Derek says.

“I’m not used to seeing you look so casual”

“Well, when you drag me out of my nice warm bed and my husband’s arms in the middle of the night, this is what you get.” I say. 

“I didn’t think you owned a hoodie.”

“I’m the mother of twin toddlers and pregnant with a third. Do you think that I dress the same as I do for work when we go to the park?” I ask with a laugh.

“I guess I never really thought about it.” He laughs, picking up some of the equipment. “Look, Garcia.” He starts as I shut the trunk and lock the truck. “I’m sorry about prying and pushing about your choice in drinks the first time we went out. I’m just so used to knowing everything about the people on our team.”

“It’s fine. It’s probably best for my pregnancy to be out in the open anyway.”

“Yeah, we can all help to watch out for the two of you. I bet Luke was pretty pissed about you coming with us.” Derek says as we climb the stairs to the jet.

“Yeah, he was not happy, that’s for sure.”

Derek stows the things he has and Hotch stands to take some of the things I have. I take out my laptop and get set up. I pull my phone out and text Luke.

-I made it safely. I’m on the jet right now.

He texts back immediately.

-Thanks for letting me know. Stay safe! I love you.

“Alright everyone let’s get started.” Hotch says. I shoot one more quick text off to Luke.

-Ready for briefing. Go back to sleep. I love you too!” I put my phone down and tune into Hotch.

“The second child in as many nights has gone missing in El Paso Texas. The parents are killed in their sleep and the child is taken. The first murder and abduction was the Ramirez family. The child was two year old, Martin, he has a 5 year old sister named Rosa that was at a sleepover at a friend’s house when it happened. Aside from the overkill on the parents, it appears that the child was not hurt at all. I pull up the pictures of the family and little Martin and gasp. Everyone looks at me and Hotch stops speaking.

“Do you see something, Garcia?” He asks.

“No, sir.” I say. Not taking my eyes off the photo.

“Then what is it?” JJ asks.

“Little Martin, sweet, little Martin, he looks just like my boys, he looks just like Luke.” I say. “Sorry, go on sir.” I say, everyone looks down and studies the photos, a few hums can be heard.

“Tonight, the Lopez family was murdered in the same way. They abducted a 5 year old little girl named Marcella. The family’s other child, a seven year old Liliana was found hiding in the closet when police arrived on the scene.”

“This guy’s all over the place.” JJ says.

“He doesn’t seem to have an age or gender preference.” Prentiss says.

“Pedophiles tend not to have a gender preference in children this young.” Reid says, flipping through the photos again.

“Were there any witnesses?” Rossi asks.

“There’s a neighbor a few houses down that reports hearing tires screeching at around midnight, he saw a dark colored truck driving away. He saw the door to the Lopez house open and called the police. Police were on the scene within 5 minutes.” Hotch says.

“That’s fast.” Prentiss says.

“There were extra units in the neighborhood because of Martin’s disappearance. They weren’t 100% convinced he was abducted, they were patrolling just in case he was found wandering the neighborhood, since his parents weren’t discovered till morning. The Ramirez’s and the Lopez’s live just 3 blocks from one another.”

“That’s a very small hunting ground.” Derek says.

“Is it just a coincidence that the first kid had a five year old sister that was away for the night and there’s a five year old abducted the second night? I wonder if he intended to take Martin and Rosa but had to adjust when he couldn’t get her.”

“That’s what we need to figure out. When we land, Morgan and Reid, I want you to go to the first crime scene. Prentiss and JJ, I want you to go to the second. There will be units at each scene, waiting for you. Dave, Garcia, and I will set up at the local precinct. Try to get some rest, we’ve got a couple hours before we land.” Hotch says.

I immediately start looking into each family’s social media. I look at what their posting and who’s following them. I immediately notice that both families weren’t very careful about showing identifiable information in their photos, where they live, where the kids go to school.

“Penelope, you should get some sleep, we’re going to be in for a long day. Searches can wait.” Hotch says to me.

“Yes, sir.” I say as Hotch walks away. There’s one more photo that catches my eye of Martin smiling big for the camera with a well-loved, stuffed dog in one hand. That smile, those eyes, they remind me so much of my sons, a chill runs down my spine. I shut the lid of my laptop and close my eyes. I immediately see Martin’s face and take a few deep breaths. This is going to be a long case.

Someone is calling my name. I open my eyes and see JJ bent over me. “We’ve landed. Derek and Hotch grabbed your equipment already.” I blink my eyes a few times and sit myself up straighter.

“Thank you.” I say, unbuckling my seatbelt. I pack up my laptop and grab my purse. I stand and pick up my go bag that someone set next to my chair. It’s still dark as I walk down the steps of the jet, Derek meets me and tries to take my bags. I hold tight, “I got them.” I say.

“Come on Mama, you’re pregnant and you just woke up. Can you just let me help you out, please?” He asks. I release my bags and nod. He puts them in the trunk as I sit myself in the back of the SUV. I take out my phone to text Luke an update, but change my mind, hoping he went back to sleep and not wanting to wake him.

We made it to the local Police department in no time. We’re set up in a conference room in the back of the precinct. Hotch and Rossi look through the reports and evidence, passing along any information that would be helpful, while I continue my searches into the family.

“I’ll tell you what I’ve found so far, it looks like both were good families that loved and adored their children. They posted a ton of photos of their kids, anyone who followed them would have known where they lived and where the kids went to school. I’m looking into their followers right now, both dads have a lot. I’ll let you know if any raise any red flags.” I say to Hotch and Rossi.

“Thank you, Garcia.”

I continue my searches for a while longer when Derek and Reid walk into the room.

“Where’s Hotch?” Derek asks, looking around.

“He’s talking to the Captain. He’ll be back in a little while.” Rossi says.

“Prentiss and JJ aren’t back yet?” Derek asks. 

“Not yet, they should be back soon.” Rossi says.

“Okay.” Derek says, before walking over to me. He bends and says to me in a quiet voice. “Have you eaten yet this morning?” I startle a little and turn to him.

“No.” I say as I continue to type.

“Do you want me to find you something, I think I saw a vending machine.”

“I’m fine.” I say with an eyeroll, Derek grabs a chair and sits down next to me.

“You really should eat something.” Derek says.

“You sound just like Luke.” I say. “Did he put you up to this?” Derek smirks but doesn’t answer the question, I roll my eyes again and smile. “Will you grab my lunch bag out of the truck? Luke packed me some food, so I wouldn’t have to live on vending machine food.”

“Okay, I’ll get the key and be right back.” Derek says, standing and walking to Rossi. My phone dings and I look down to check the message. It’s from Luke.

-I miss you already. I hope everything is going well. Shoot me a text when you can. I love you!

Hotch walks in as I text Luke back.

-I miss you too. I'm at the precinct, we hit the ground running. Derek just reminded me to eat, he's grabbing my lunch bag right now. It seems he’s taken it upon himself to take care of me. Did you put him up to this?

JJ and Emily walk in, I smile in greeting and my phone dings, I look down at it.

-I didn’t, but I'm glad someone’s looking out for my girls.

Derek walks in and hands me my lunch bag with a smile and Hotch says.

“Alright, everyone, let’s talk about what we've learned.”

Everyone takes a seat around the table.

3 hours later, I look up and say. “Sir.”

Hotch looks at me. “What is it Garcia?”

“I don’t know if it means anything yet, but both families had a home security system installed and activated within the last month. It looks like one of those fancy ones that can be controlled by your cell phone and that have video monitoring.”

“JJ and Reid, go check each of the houses again. See if you can find out where the cameras were placed for the video monitoring. Take Garcia as well so she can scan to see if there are any hidden camera’s as well.”

“Hotch, I’ll go along too.” Derek says, standing up, Hotch nods.

We spend some time at each of the houses before we go back to the station to catch everyone up.

“What did you all find?” Hotch asks.

“There were cameras in each of the kid’s rooms that were installed by the home security company. I’m sure they thought they were keeping their kids safe with those cameras.” JJ says.

“We found hidden cameras in the parent’s rooms and facing the back door, but the camera facing the back of the Ramirez house malfunctioned, maybe that’s why he didn’t know that Rosa wasn’t there.” Derek says.

“It looks like the camera in Rosa’s bedroom was glitchy too. I’m not sure why both cameras at the back of the house weren’t working right. But what I do know is that this guy hacked into their wifi, which then made it possible to hack into their phones and control the security system. That’s why the cops didn’t find any forced entry and why the system never went off.” I finish.

“Okay, we know that he used their own security system to watch them and stalk them, but why?” Prentiss asks.

“Why were these kids so important?” Rossi asks.

“What I really want to know is, was Rosa a part of the original abduction plan. I wonder if these children are surrogates.” Reid says.

“Surrogates for what?” JJ asks.

“Garcia, look for any recent police reports, social media posts and news articles involving the loss of a 2 and 5 year old.”

“There are parts of a prayer chain popping up for the Gonzalez family. I’m looking for a police report.” I continue to type. “Got it. The Gonzalez family were driving back from an end of the summer trip to Disneyland when they were run off the road in Arizona. Both the kids, Miguel who had just turned 3 and Delores age 5 were thrown from the car and died right away. Oh, my gosh.” I sniff, JJ puts her hand on my shoulder in sympathy. “Mom, Sofia spent a week at the hospital until she was taken off life support. Dad, Pablo, sustained a head injury, cuts and bruises, he spent two weeks in the hospital in Arizona. He returned to working at West Coast security a month and a half ago.”

“Find everything you can on Pablo Gonzalez, it sounds like he’s our unsub.” Hotch says.

“I hope that since these kids are stand ins for his own children, it means he won’t hurt them.” JJ says.

The team goes out to check out the Gonzalez family home but returns with no new information. Doesn’t look like anyone’s lived there for a while. I continue my search into the family. Hotch decides to do a press conference, to run on the 5 o’clock news, to try to appeal to Pablo. The team is out tracking down leads and I’m making myself a cup of tea around 8, when I see movement out of the corner of my eye. I whip my head around and see two kids walking through the door, I rush over to them.

“Martin and Marcella?” I ask, excitement in my voice. They both nod. “Oh my gosh, we’ve been looking for you two.” I say, by now we’ve attracted the attention of some officers and both children have moved closer to me. I step forward and put my body between the officers and the kids. “I’ll just take them to the conference room where we were working, you can send someone to question them. I say, taking their hands and leading them to the back. “Are you guys okay?” I ask, as we sit down. Marcella quietly says.

“Yes.” Martin pulls his stuffed dog closer and nods.

“Are you hungry?” I ask, rummaging through my lunch bag. “I’ve got a banana and a granola bar.” I say, pulling both out. Marcella shakes her head.

Martin’s eyes light up, he leans forward and quietly asks. “Can I have the banana?”

“Sure can.” I say, starting the peel and handing it to him. “I’m just going to send a quick text.” I say, picking up my phone, sending a group text to the team and setting it back down. A female police officer comes in and sits down. I stand, intending to let her question the kids. Martin’s eyes shoot up towards me, very clearly worried. “What’s wrong?” I ask, sitting back down.

“Can I sit with you?” He asks.

“Sure, come here.” I say, opening my arms, he gets down from his chair and I pick him up, settling him in my lap. Officer Carmichael questions them.

Marcella is picked up by an aunt. Martin becomes my shadow for the rest of the night. He finally falls asleep in my lap around 10.

“Where’s his sister?” I ask, Hotch. 

“She’s with her father’s family.”

“Not that I’m not enjoying this, but why haven’t they come to pick him up?” I ask.

“Martin and Rosa have different fathers. Rosa’s father approved her to be released to his brother and wife while he makes his way from D.C.”

“So, what’s going to happen to him?” I ask, tears welling in my eyes.

“CPS will be here shortly for him. So far it looks like he doesn’t have any living family members.”

“You mean, he’s going to go into foster care?” I ask, a tear running down my cheek.

“Yes.” Hotchner says, continuing to pack up case files. I send a text to Luke, before it gets later.

-We wrapped the case, both kids were unharmed. We’ll be flying back in a couple of hours. Derek has already volunteered to drive me home. I have something I want to talk to you about.

-That’s good news that the kids were found safe. You’ve texted a lot about Derek today, now you want to talk to me about something, should I be worried?

-Nothing like that. I love you, you’re stuck with me forever. It’s just something big. It’ll be better to talk about it in person.

-Okay. Spending the rest of my life with you is definitely not a bad thing. I’ll see you in a few hours.


	2. A Bond

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Penelope bonds with Martin.

I take another look at the child sleeping on my chest, running my hand over his dark curls. Martin’s skin tone is just slightly darker than my boys and he has brown eyes, but the resemblance is uncanny. I tighten my arms around him and enjoy holding him for as long as I can.

The CPS worker comes within an hour. I start to wake Martin up. He blinks up at me with sleepy eyes. “So, there’s someone here to meet you.” I say to Martin.

“Hi, Martin, my name is Carol. I’m here to take you to a place with other kids to play with.”

Martin shakes his head. “Want to go home. Mama and Papa?”

“I can’t take you home, Mama and Papa got hurt.” Carol says.

“Stay with Penelope.” He says.

“I have to go on an airplane and go home.” I say.

“Want to go on airplane and go home with Penelope.” Martin says. I look at Carol as a tear falls from my eye.

“I’m sorry, Martin. I can’t take you home with me right now. You have to go with Carol.”

“Maybe later?” He asks, hopefully.

“Maybe later.” I say, hoping it’s not a lie. Carol gives me a strange look. “But guess what? You can take the Doggies book with you.” I say, taking the book from the table and handing it to him. I give him one more squeeze and stand up, settling him on my hip, Luke would kill me if he saw me holding this big boy, right now. “Go to Carol.” He puts his arms around my neck and lays his head on my chest.

“Come on, Martin. Time to go.” Carol says in a friendly voice.

“No!” Martin asserts.

“What if I walk you to the car and buckle you in your car seat?” Martin nods against my chest. We walk out and Carol opens her back door for me. I sit in the seat with Martin in my lap. “What kind of toys do you think will be at your new house?” I ask as I straighten the straps in the car seat.

“Blocks.”

“Do you like to build with blocks.” I ask him, he nods. “Big blocks or little blocks?” I ask as I lift him into the car seat.

“Big blocks.” He says. “I like big towers.” He says as I buckle him in.

I run my hand over his hair and say. “I hope they have lots of big blocks for you. I hope you have lots of fun, with the other kids and all the toys.” I blow him a kiss as I scoot out of the backseat.

“No.” He yells, trying to get out of the car seat. I give one more wave and shut the door. Carol starts the car and drives away. I can hear him screaming my name at the top of his lungs. I cry watching the car pull away. I’m pulled into a hard chest.

“It’s okay, Babygirl.” Derek says as he rubs my back. I sob into his chest for a few minutes. I lift my head and mumble an apology. JJ hands me a tissue. The whole team is gathered around me, the other women are dabbing at their eyes.

“I’m sorry.” I say to the group, sniffling and wiping at my eyes.

“We should get going to the airport.” Hotch says.

“I need to..” I start.

“Already got it.” JJ says, holding my bags up.

“Thank you.” I whisper.

I spend the ride to the airport and the flight staring out the window. The others talk and laugh, they try and fail to draw me in a couple times. Martin screaming my name echoes through my head. I give Derek my address, he tries to engage me in small talk, after getting next to nothing back from me, we ride in silence for the last half of the ride. He double parks right outside my house. He grabs my go bag, my laptop, and my bullet proof vest. I grab my purse and lunch bag. He walks up the steps behind me, I unlock the front door and Luke opens the second door just as I put my hand on the knob. I wrap my arms around Luke and bury my face into his bare chest, he holds me for a minute, before gently moving me out of his arms and saying.

“Give me a minute to get your stuff from Derek, then I’m all yours.” He takes the things that Derek is holding and thanks him, I mumble a thanks too as Derek turns to leave. Luke locks up and sets the security system before coming back to hold me. “What’s wrong?” He asks, putting his hands on the sides of my face and looking at me. I just shrug and cry into his chest. Once I quiet, Luke says. “Why don’t we go up to bed? You’ve been up for over 24 hours, I bet your overtired. We can talk tomorrow.” He kisses my head and I nod.

Luke leads me upstairs by the hand. I get myself ready for bed and snuggle into Luke’s chest. I’m asleep in no time. I wake up and the other side of the bed is empty. I roll to my back and stare at the ceiling for a few minutes, still feeling tired. I realize I don’t hear anything, no toddlers running around, no laughter, no dog claws on hardwood or the jingle of Roxy’s collar. I look over at the clock and see that it’s a little after 11. I turn to my other side and snuggle under the sheet for a few more minutes. I grab my phone, there’s a few texts from the team, checking on me to make sure I’m okay. I’ll text them back in a bit, right now, I text Luke.

-Where are you guys?

-Park. Back in 20 minutes or so.

-I’ll make lunch.

I get up and use the bathroom before heading downstairs to make lunch for my boys. I settle on grilled cheese and prepare those while I text the team back. I apologize to Derek and properly thank him for the ride this morning. I assure him, JJ, and Prentiss that I’m feeling better. Roxy’s the first face I see walk through the kitchen door. The boys follow a couple minutes later.

“Mama.” They both gleefully exclaim when they see me. I bend down and hug them, one in each arm, before standing up. “Hello, did you two have fun at the park?” I ask them both, I ignore Luke glaring at me for picking them both up.

Emilio nods his head and Tony says. “Yes.”

Luke comes and takes Tony from me and says. “Let’s wash hands for lunch.” He gives me one more disapproving look before he bends down to give me a kiss.

We get the boys down for their nap and snuggle up on the couch.

“So, what did you want to talk to me about? You got me nervous.”

“Well…” I pause, not sure how to start this conversation. “I want us to adopt a child, well, not just any child, the one from the case I just worked.”

“What do you mean, Penelope?” Luke asks.

“Okay, the last case we worked, there were two children who were abducted, their parents were killed. The older little girl, she had family to go to. The younger one, his name was Martin, he’s 2 and unbelievably adorable. They weren’t able to find any living family, so he had to go into foster care. I want us to adopt him.”

“That’s really sad and heartbreaking, Penelope. But. We can’t adopt every child that ends up in these circumstances. We don’t have the resources or the time.”

I roll my eyes and snap. “I know that, Luke!” We sit in silence for a few minutes. “I’m sorry.” I say, in a low voice. “There’s just something about this one. From the first picture I saw of him on the jet. He looks just like our boys. He looks just like you. He lost his parents and he’s losing his sister too. They have different dads and her dad is taking custody of her and bringing her out to D.C. to live. He just lost everyone he knows in one night.” I start to cry. “He’s two years old and he’s all alone in the world, Luke.” 

“I’m sorry.” Luke says, pulling me closer and rubbing my arm. “I just don’t know how it would work even if we wanted to take him. We don’t have the space for another child.” Luke says, kissing my head.

“I know. He just, well we both got really attached. He loves bananas just like Tony and dogs, just like Leo. He’s got a stuffed dog he takes everywhere. We read the Doggies book, I had in my purse, like a million times, I ended up giving it to him. He fell asleep and slept in my arms until CPS came. I distracted him while I buckled him in his car seat.” I stop and take a breath. “Luke, he screamed for me as the car drove away, a horrible blood curdling scream, I can’t get it out of my head.”

“I don’t know, Penelope. I really don’t know how we would make it work.” Luke says, falling quiet. I lay on his shoulder and let the silent tears fall.


	3. A Sadness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short chapter, but an important one. Sorry for the angst.

There’s a profound sadness that settles over me during the next week. As much as I try to be my normal, fun loving self, I just can’t. I know that I’ve not been fully engaged at home with Luke and the boys, looking at them, makes me remember Martin. At work, I’ve been efficient at my job, but have rejected any social interactions. The team’s been looking at me with pity in their eyes, but at this point, I just don’t care. Hotch calls me into his office on Friday afternoon.

“How are you Garcia?” He asks.

“Fine, sir.” I say, in a flat voice.

“Penelope, we both know that’s not true.” I just look at him. “We did our job in Texas, we saved the kids. We have to move on to the next case that needs our help.”

“But, what about the people we leave behind that still need our help?” I ask.

“Our job is not to be there to help people to put their lives back together, our job is to hunt serial killers. To do this job, you have to be able to distance yourself from the victims to a certain degree.”

“He doesn’t have a life to put back together. He lost everything in one night.” I say, wiping a tear from my eye.

“Penelope, I need to know if you can do this job, that you won’t get emotionally attached to every victim.”

“I don’t know, sir.” I say.

“Why don’t you leave early, take the weekend to think about it.”

I nod, before standing and hurrying to my office before bursting into tears. Luke walks in and finds me like that 10 minutes later, wrapping his arms around me.

“What are you doing here?”

“Derek and JJ both texted me, they were worried about you when they saw you leave Hotch’s office. What happened?”

“Hotch told me that I got too emotionally involved in the case in Texas. He asked me if I can keep from becoming attached to every victim, I didn’t have an answer for him. He sent me home early and told me to take the weekend to think about it.”

“Let me go get my stuff, you gather yours and we’ll get out of here.” Luke says, releasing me.

“Okay.” I say.

“I’m sorry, I’ve been so off this week. I really am trying to get over it.” I say to Luke as we sit down at a corner table of a coffee shop with a cup of tea.

Luke nods, before taking a deep breath. “I had a friend of mine in the El Paso police department keep tabs on Martin. He was just moved to his second foster home yesterday. The first family had allegations of abuse.” I gasp. “Not against Martin, but a teenager that was in their care, all the children were removed until they investigate. I saw a picture of him, I see what you mean, he does look just like our boys. I can see why you’re having such a hard time.” I nod, Luke ducks his head and starts in a lower voice. “I could see the glimmer of sadness in your eyes every time you looked at us this week.”

I duck my head and start to play with my cup. “I’m sorry.” I say.

Luke starts after a couple minutes of silence. “I talked to one of my army buddies, Ryan, who’s a lawyer.” At that, I look up at him. “To talk hypothetically about if getting custody of Martin was even a possibility, what we would need to do and what kind of timeline would we be working with.”

“And?” I ask, sitting up straighter, Luke smiles.

“Well, he says that we would want to go through the process of becoming certified as foster parents first, if we want the shortest wait time. Normally the process takes about 3 months or so, but he thinks that it could be shortened considerably because we shouldn’t have to go through an extensive background check, because of our jobs. There are classes we have to take and home visits we have to pass before we can foster.”

“Is this something you would be okay with?” I ask. “I mean, you would be the one doing more of the caregiving.” I ask, tentatively.

“I agreed to a house full of children with you, you didn’t say they would be all ours.” Luke says.

I smile. “Hotch did say initially, that I could work on call and just come in when the team has a case, maybe I can do that until I start maternity leave.” I shrug. “We still don’t have the space.” I think out loud.

“I heard that the place next door to us is going on the market within the next month. I heard from my realtor, when she showed me the place I’m in now, that mine is the smallest one on the block. We can see if we can take a look. If we like it, we can see if they’re willing to sell without the headache of putting it on the market.” Luke says.

I run around the table and wrap my arms around his neck. “I love you so much.”

Luke pushes back from the table and pulls me down into his lap, kissing me. “I love you too! I’ll email Ryan and I’ll call the realtor that found me our place. We’ll print the application tonight, once we put the boys down.”


	4. An Adjustment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Martin comes home.

Everything falls into place over the next month and a half. Hotch accepts my request to work on call. We’re able to get the brownstone next door to us, before it went on the market, 5 bedrooms, 2 full bathrooms and 2 half bathrooms. We closed a few weeks ago and fully moved in last weekend. We’re certified as foster parents. We request to foster Martin and are approved. Juanita decides to stay with us until September, when she learns about Martin. 

Friday afternoon, Martin and I are deplaning in Virginia. I flew out this morning to get him. He remembered me right away. He ran up to me and immediately engulfed me in a hug. I’m holding Martin’s hand, my purse, his backpack and guiding his small rolling suitcase through the tunnel. Luke and the boys are waiting at the gate when we arrive. I bend and give the boys, sitting in the double stroller a kiss, before giving Luke one too. We walk over to a row of chairs and I sit down.

“Martin, this is my husband, Luke.”

Luke crouches down and says. “Nice to meet you Martin, we’re happy you’re here.” He finishes with a smile, Martin just looks at him, snuggling his puppy close.

“These are our boys. This is Anthony, but we call him Tony, sitting in the front and this is Emilio, but we call him Leo, sitting in the back. Can you give them a wave?” I ask Martin, he gets a little closer to the stroller and gives each boy a wave, Emilio waves back.

“Tony and Leo.” Luke says, getting the twins attention. “Can you say hi to Martin?”

“Hi, Marin.” Tony says, that gets a laugh out of Martin.

“Why did he call me that?” Martin asks me.

“Because those guys are just one year old, they’re still learning to talk, do you think you can help teach them?”

Martin nods his head, excitedly. “Yes.”

“Good. Do you want to go to our house? See your new bedroom and your new toys.” Martin nods.

Luke takes my purse and the backpack and stows them under the stroller, we all make our way out of the airport. It took a lot of maneuvering and a trip to the fire station to get them checked, but we managed to get all three car seats in the back seat, we’ll need to trade my sedan in for a minivan within the next couple of months to have room for the baby.

I give Martin a tour of the house and we all spend most of the afternoon playing in Martin’s bedroom. Martin gravitates to me, but Luke wins some points with him by building block towers with the boys.

All the boys seem to get along well. Martin is very patient and gentle with the twins. Tony and Leo seem to marvel at times at the things that Martin can do.

Luke had disappeared to get dinner in the oven. When he returns Leo is sitting in my lap. Martin comes over.

“I want to sit!” He says.

“On my lap?” I clarify, he nods. I scoot Leo over to make room for him. “No.” He says, getting upset.

“You can sit on my lap with Leo or you can sit next to me.” I gently say to him.

“No.” He repeats.

“You can sit with Luke.” I motion. “He doesn’t have anyone on his lap, it’s all open for you.” Luke opens his arms in invitation.

Martin turns to Luke, weighing his options before sitting on my lap next to Leo. I look over to Luke, thankful that we avoided a tantrum. I take a deep breath and pull my boys tighter.

“He’s asleep.” Luke says a few minutes later, pointing at Martin.

“I bet it’s been a long day for him, he slept a little on the flight back, but not long. We’ll get him up when dinner’s ready.” Luke nods and continues to play with Tony.

Luke goes to get dinner taken out of the oven and prepped. I start to wake Martin up, letting him know we’re going to have dinner soon. Luke returns and picks Martin up from my arms, he extends his hand and helps me up off the floor. Martin looks a little panicked. I run my hand over his head and say.

“Luke is going to take you downstairs and get you some dinner. I’m just going to go to the bathroom, I’ll be down soon.” Martin nods and I give him a kiss on the forehead and give Luke a kiss before we all leave the room.

Later in the evening, we’re all snuggled in mine and Luke’s bed together, while Luke reads bedtime stories. The twins are drowsy and Luke and I each take a boy and lay them in their crib. Martin scurries after me, despite my assurances that I would be back for him. Once the boys are down, I lead Martin to his room. He crawls in bed, I kneel down and run my hand through his hair and up and down his back a couple minutes. I lean in and give him a kiss and tell him goodnight. Luke wishes him a goodnight too, before taking my hand and helping me up.

Luke and I go to our room and climb into bed. “Do you think we’ll see him again before the night is over.” I ask as Luke lays down and pulls me down next to him.

“Oh, I think we can count on it.” Luke says with a slight chuckle, as I lay my head on his shoulder and he wraps his arm around me. “I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s up again within the next 20 minutes, he really doesn’t like to be away from you for long.” Luke says.

“I know, and it sounds like he usually has a rough first couple nights when he’s someplace new. I can get up with him tonight.” I say.

“You need your sleep, especially since you’re pregnant. I can get up with him too, he needs to learn to trust me too.”

“I know, I just feel responsible for him, since I’m the reason that he’s here.” I say.

“Hey, we both went through the process of becoming foster parents, we’re both going through the process of adopting him. You may have been the one who pushed for him, but I want him here just as much as you do, he’s ours. I have no problem taking care of him anytime, even the middle of the night. He’s now one of our boys.”

“I love you so much.” I say to Luke, propping myself up to kiss him. We kiss for a few minutes longer until I catch movement in my peripheral vision.

Martin is standing in our doorway. “What’s the matter?” Luke asks, motioning him towards the bed. Luke picks him up and sits against the headboard, I join him. Surprisingly, Martin stays in Luke’s arms, Luke looks at me over his head with the biggest smile on his face. I beam back. Martin snuggles into Luke’s bare chest and just sits there. I put my arm around Luke, he lays his head on my shoulder, we all sit in silence for a while.

Sometime later, Luke whispers. “I think he’s asleep. I’ll just wait a few more minutes before I put him in his bed.” Luke gets up and lays him in his bed, cracking his door and leaving ours ajar as well. As soon as he climbs back in bed, I attack Luke with kisses.

“You’re amazing.” I say to him.

Around 11, not too long after Luke and I have fallen asleep, I feel someone tapping me on the back. I turn my head and see Martin, standing at the edge of the bed. I extract myself from Luke’s hold as gently as I can and pick Martin up, giving him a kiss on the forehead and laying him down next to me in the bed, my back to Luke. I feel Luke scoot closer. He kisses my shoulder before wrapping his arm around all of us. Martin is back asleep in under 5 minutes and Luke takes him back to his bed.

I flutter my eyes open and it’s 4:45, Luke’s side of the bed is empty. Either he had a nightmare or he’s helping Martin. He walks in a couple minutes later.

“Where were you?” I ask as he climbs back in bed.

“Getting Martin back to sleep.” He says, pulling me close.

“At least he slept for over 6 hours that time.”

“No, he was up a couple hours ago too. I’ve just been putting him back in his bed and rubbing his back.”

“I’m sorry, I must have completely slept through him.”

“The first time I heard him crying before he got up, I got to him quickly before he got too loud. The second time, I had just woken up with a nightmare.”

“Are you okay?” I ask, looking him in the eyes.

“Yeah, it wasn’t one of the worst. I’m okay.” Luke assures.

“I’m sorry you’ve had such a crappy night of sleep.”

“It’s fine, I’ll survive. At least it’s the weekend.”

“You gonna try to go back to sleep?” I ask.

“Probably not, I think I’m done for the night. But I’ll lie here with you, you go back to sleep.” Luke says, kissing me. 

“What if I get you nice and relaxed?” I ask, before kissing Luke’s neck.

“How will you do that?” Luke asks.

“Go lock our door and I’ll show you.” Luke does as I tell him, I scoot to the edge of the bed and sit up. I kiss and nip at Luke’s abs for a while, leaving a trail of bruises leading to the waistband of his underwear. I remove them and work on relaxing him.

I wake up later that morning.

“Good morning.” I say to Luke, kissing his lips.

“Good morning.” He returns, as I close my eyes and snuggle into the crook of Luke’s neck.

“Have you been up long?” I mumble against his neck.

“No, about 5 minutes.” Luke says, pulling me tighter, so that his hardness is poking against me. “You know, it sounds like everyone is still sleeping, you could let me return the favor from earlier.” He says, grinding his erection into me.

“Are you sure we have time?” I ask, bringing my head back up to kiss him. Luke just looks at me. “That’s right, I forgot how good you are at what you do.” Luke wastes no time undressing me, before diving in between my legs. I watch him stroke himself while he pleasures me, occasionally reaching up to gently pinch at my nipples. I’m coming in no time at all, Luke continues to work himself for another couple of minutes before he’s coming too. We lay there for a while longer before getting up, changing the sheets and showering.

All the boys wake up a short time later. We give baths and get dressed, we bundle everyone up and head over to Emilio’s for breakfast. After breakfast, we spend a quiet day at home, getting to know each other better.

Sunday afternoon, Juanita comes over for a little while. “You weren’t lying when you said he looks like Luke and the boys.” She says, taking her first look at Martin. “He looks just like Luke as a kid. I’ll have to find some photos to show you when we go home for Christmas next week.” She says.

Over the next week, the B.A.U. is called in on two cases. I’m called into work during lunch time on Monday. I still had Keisha come over as usual just in case I got called in and so that she and Martin could get to know each other. I explain the situation to him as best you can to a two, almost three year old. I assure him that Luke will be home just before dinner and I’ll come back later. He looks pretty sad about it, but he doesn’t cling to me, so that’s progress.

Derek’s coming to pick me up for work. Luke and I have taken to calling him my work husband, because he’s just as bad as Luke in terms of wanting to make sure that I’m taken care of. We’ve become really good friends over the past couple of months.

There’s a knock at the door, I lost track of time, between getting some food prepped to take to work and the long talk I had with Martin. Juanita answers the door and Derek walks in.

“I’m sorry, I’m almost ready.” I say, zipping my lunch bag.

“No worries.” Derek says.

“Derek, this is Keisha, Keisha, this is Derek.” I introduce, Derek smiles at her and puts his hand out. Keisha shakes his hand and looks him up and down, giving him a smile. “I’m just going to go grab my shoes.” I say, pointing up the stairs, I don’t think those two heard me at all. I come back downstairs, and Derek is flipping Tony around, making him laugh hysterically, Martin watches from the couch with hopeful eyes. “Derek Morgan.” I say. “Do not get him all riled up before naptime.”

Derek looks sheepish and says to Tony. “I’ll see you later, man.” Before putting him down. Derek takes my bags and says. “It was nice seeing you again, Ms. Ramos, Keisha, it was nice meeting you. I’ll see you later Martin, Tony and Leo.”

“I’ll see you all.” I say as we walk out the door.

“It looks like your new little man is settling in okay.” Derek says as we get in the car.

“Yeah, he is. We had kind of a rough first couple of nights, but he only woke up once last night. He really gets along with the twins well.”

“How’s it going with him and Luke?” Derek asks, glancing over at me for a second.

“Really well. He and Luke bonded a little the first day. Luke’s been getting up with him at night for the most part. Luke doesn’t sleep well and is a super light sleeper. Luke’s been amazing with him.” I say, smile on my face.

“So, you weren’t kidding when you said you want a big family.”

“Nope.” I say with a laugh.

“Are you still aiming for 5?” Derek asks.

“Probably not. This will probably be the last one we have.” I say, rubbing my very pregnant belly.

“Everything okay with this pregnancy?” Derek asks with and edge of worry.

“Everything’s fine.” I laugh, touching his arm momentarily. “I’m just getting up there in age. We didn’t plan for the twins and her to be so close together. I think 4 under 4 is plenty.” I chuckle. “So, I saw you checking Keisha out. What do you think?”

“She’s cute.” Derek smiles.

“You know, she’s single.” I say.

“Noted.” Derek says.

“Come on Derek, you two would be so cute together.” I say. “It definitely looked like you two had a connection.”

“I don’t know, Penelope. I’m not really a relationship guy. People don’t tend to stick around when they find out what we do.”

“That’s true. How about I invite you two over for dinner, there will be no pressure.”

“You do not give up, do you?” Derek asks with a chuckle.

“Nope, that’s how I got Luke.” I smile.

“Fine, I’ll come over for dinner after the holidays.”

We wrap the case early Thursday morning. I don’t even finish my report on this case before we land another. I’m anxious because, Luke, Juanita, the kids, and I are leaving to drive to New York, Saturday night, I hope we can solve this case before then. This one is local, the D.C. area. The case finally breaks Saturday afternoon. I pack up my laptop and everything I need incase I’m called on to work while we’re in New York. I walk into the bullpen and Luke is standing there with my three boys, the team gathered around.

“What are you all doing here?” I ask, walking over and putting my arm around Luke, giving him a kiss. He takes my bag from me. 

“I came to pick up a file. We were going to stop by and say hi, but I hear that your case is over.”

“It is.” I beam. Martin comes up to me and puts his arms up. “Only for a couple minutes, remember? It’s hard to hold you and the baby.” I say, touching my stomach. Martin nods and I pick him up, hugging him close. I give him a kiss and ask. “Do you want Luke to hold you or do you want to get down?”

“Luke” He says, Luke continues his conversation with Hotch while reaching out and taking Martin, without missing a beat. I crouch down and give Tony and Leo a kiss in their stroller, before returning to Luke’s side.

“…are sticking around. Haley’s dad is coming into town tomorrow to spend Christmas with us.” Hotch finishes.

We stand around and talk about our Christmas plans for a while longer.

“We should really get going. We’ve got some stuff to do before we get on the road tonight.” Luke says.

“That worked out nicely” I say to Luke, holding Martin’s hand with my other arm looped through his as he pushes the stroller to the elevator.

“It did. I missed you. You’re work husband got to spend way more time with you this week.” He says, kissing me once we’re in the elevator.

“Well now I’m all yours.” I say, wrapping my arm around his neck and kissing him.

Once the kids are buckled in and we’re both settled in our seats, I ask Luke. “Are you really okay with my relationship with Derek? If you’re uncomfortable, I can take a step back or talk to him. You know I love you, we’re only friends. I don’t want anyone else but you, ever.” I ramble.

“It’s okay, Penelope.” Luke says, reaching a hand over. “Take a breath. I’m fine with your friendship, I know you’re just friends. Sometimes I get a little jealous of the amount of time he gets to spend with you, but like I told you, I would spend all day, every day with you if I could. But I can’t.” Luke shrugs. “So, I have to be a big boy and share.” He finishes.

“Big boys share.” Martin says.

We both laugh. “I guess we have to watch what we say in front of the kids now that we have a big boy.” I say.

“You’re right, Martin. Big boys share, like you, right?” Luke asks.

“Yeah, I share with Leo and Tony.”

“I share with Derek.” Luke says, winking at me.


	5. A First Christmas with a New Family

Once we get home, I offer to get the diapers all washed and to finish packing bags. Luke insists on doing it himself, since I haven’t seen the boys much this week.

We all play for a while before Luke comes back into join us.

“All done?” I ask, as he sits down beside me and gives me a kiss.

“Diapers are clean, and bags are packed. Dinner’s in the oven too.” Luke says.

“Papa.” Tony yells, running to him and wrapping his arms around his neck.

“Where’s my Mama and Papa?” Martin asks. We both stiffen and look at him.

“Well, remember that day you spent with Pablo, the day we met for the first time?” Martin nods his head. “Your Mama and Papa were hurt really bad and died.” I finish.

“What is died?” Martin asks.

“It means they’re gone, and we can’t see them again.” Luke says.

“Where? Can I go?” Martin asks.

“No, they wanted you to stay here and have lots of fun with us, I bet they miss you a lot.” I say. “Hey, Martin, do you want to read a book with me?” I ask, changing the subject. Martin nods and runs off to find a book. I take a deep breath and lay my head on Luke’s chest for a minute, he kisses my hair and rubs my back.

“You did good.” He whispers to me. Martin skips back to me with a book, moments later, previous discussion completely forgotten.

Luke and I go to bed early, just after we put the boys to bed, hoping to get a few hours of sleep before getting on the road at midnight. After much discussion and debate, we decided it was best to make the drive overnight. That way we don’t have to stop as much, and we don’t have to entertain three toddlers. We rented a minivan, calculating that a car rental is cheaper than airfare for all of us.

I get Luke to sleep, running my fingers through his hair, before going to sleep myself. The alarm goes off way too soon. Luke turns it off and I bury my face in the crook of his neck.

“I don’t want to get up.” I say.

“I know, but you can sleep some more in the car.” Luke says, running his hands up and down my back. I hum into his neck. We cuddle together in bed for a few more minutes. Luke and I throw on some clothes. I head downstairs and get Roxy’s food and some things we packed for breakfast from the fridge, setting them by the door. We get three sleeping toddlers and a dog loaded into the car, doing one more check that all the special stuffed animals and blankets are accounted for. We pull up to Emilio’s and pick up Juanita last, before getting on the road.

I sleep for most of the ride to New York. I wake with the sun and stretch. Luke looks over at me and smiles.

“Good morning, did you sleep well?” He asks.

“I did, thank you. I really appreciate you driving us through the night.” I say, running my fingers through the back of his hair.

“Mmm, as good as that feels, it’s really not helping.” Luke says.

“Sorry.” I say, snatching my hand away and putting it in my lap. Luke looks at me for a second, smiling, he reaches over and takes my hand, placing our clasped hands on his thigh.

“So.” Luke says after a few minutes. “I was thinking we should get Martin in therapy. He’s been through so much in the last couple of months, I think it would be good for him to see someone.”

“I was thinking the same thing, I thought you might think I was overreacting.” I say.

“Never be afraid to bring anything up to me. I know how helpful therapy can be with helping to work through trauma. I know he doesn’t really understand what happened to his parents, or his abduction and why he’s been to so many homes and why he’s living with us now, but I can only imagine that he’s got some really big emotions that are stirring around in him and they’ll come out eventually. I hope that he can start to work through them before he really realizes they’re there.” Luke finishes. 

“You’re right. Is it wrong of me to hope that he’s young enough that he won’t really remember any of that? I know that means he won’t remember his parents either. I don’t know what’s worse, the pain of remembering losing them or the pain of forgetting them.” I question.

“I don’t know. But I do know that I want to keep his parent’s memory alive for him. He’s ours, no question about that, but I want him to know that he had another set of parents that loved him too.”

“I like that idea.” I say.

“I’ll talk to Dr. James at my next appointment, try to get names of some people he would recommend.”

“I’ve been thinking, should we reach out to Rosa’s dad, maybe after the holidays? Try to maybe keep the two of them connected.” I say.

“Yeah, we can reach out and see if he’s interested.” Luke agrees.

“So, do you think your mom will show up for Christmas?” I ask.

“I hope not.” Luke shrugs. “I would like to get through this Christmas without defending any of this year’s life choices.”

“Maybe this year will be different.” Luke scoffs. “You know who I am looking forward to seeing?” I ask.

“Let me guess? Ebony and the kids?”

“Yes, I’ve missed them so much, I bet the kids are so much bigger now. I wish they moved to Virginia. It would be so great for the cousins.” I say.

We finally arrive at Juanita’s house by 8 the next morning. We unload everyone, the diaper bag, the lunch bag, and Roxy’s food, before Luke takes the truck to run to the store. I change the twin’s diapers and have Martin go to the bathroom, before we have breakfast. Luke comes back, just as we finish breakfast. He unloads all our bags and the groceries.

Ebony, Luis, and the kids come over around 10:30. We introduce everyone to Martin and he immediately goes off to play with the others. Ebony and I sit and talk while the kids play.

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d think he was Luke’s.” Ebony exclaims.

“I know, it’s crazy, right? I don’t know what’s weirder, the fact that he looks so much like them or the fact that he and I crossed paths.”

“He seems to act like he’s been with you guys forever too.”

“He’s only been with us a little over a week, but he settled in seamlessly. He gets along with the twins. They have such a good time together and he already takes care of them.”

“I can see that.” Ebony says as Martin checks on Leo who fell down. “So, you and Luke are trying to adopt him, how long is that process likely to take?” Ebony asks.

“Our lawyer and everything we’ve read says about a year. But maybe a little shorter since there aren’t parents to contest his adoption.” Ebony nods. “We have to have a few more home visits, take some more classes.”

“How much does he understand about what happened to him, to his parents?” Ebony asks.

“Not much, he’s 2, he asked for the first time yesterday where his parents were. It broke my heart, I didn’t know what to say. I fumbled through a short explanation about death and then changed the subject.” I say.

“Will you guys tell him he’s adopted?” Ebony asks.

“Yes. Luke thinks it’s important for him to remember his parents and to know how much they loved him too.”

“I guess I can understand that. How are you doing with this pregnancy?”

“Making it through.” I say, taking a deep breath. “I feel bad because this pregnancy is going by in a blur, between work, the twins, going through the process to get Martin, it’s just been go, go, go. I’m not spending the same time getting to know this baby before their born like I did with the twins.”

“That just tends to happen, even when you don’t have everything going on that you do. Through the pregnancy and the raising of the first, you’re, overcautious, overprotective, afraid to do anything wrong and scar them for life. By the time the second one comes along, you realize they’re a lot more resilient than we think. As long as you’re going to your prenatal appointments, eating well, and taking care of yourself, this baby will be fine. They’re not going to hold it against you that you didn’t talk to them constantly in the womb.”

“As if Luke would ever let those things not happen.” I scoff. “Oh, my gosh, did I not tell you that we’re having a girl?” I ask excitedly.

“No, congratulations!” Ebony says, giving me a side hug.

Oh, I miss you guys. I wish we lived closer.” I say as we pull apart.

“Well, we were keeping this quiet until the deal was finalized, but Luis was headhunted by a big company in Virginia. They’ve been in talks and they seem like they really want him.”

“That would be so great.” I squeal excitedly.

“What would be so great?” Luke asks, sitting beside me, kissing my cheek, and wrapping his arm around my waist.

“Nothing.” I say, quickly.

“It’s okay, you can tell him.” Ebony laughs. “But you two have to keep it to yourselves.”

“Oh, thank god.” I breathe out, before catching Luke up.

Around noon, Memo, Jose, Gabriela, and her new boyfriend show up to Juanita’s house. We all sit down to lunch together. The twins nod off toward the end of lunch, Luke and I take them upstairs to nap on our bed. Luke goes back down to get Martin too, bringing him up to take a nap. I cuddle with Martin and rub his back, putting him to sleep. Luke lays down on the other side of the bed, book ending the boys between us. Luke puts his arm around the twins. I run my fingers through his hair, and he falls asleep, quickly. I’m glad Luke decided to take a nap too, since he drove throughout the night. I lay there and watch over my boys while they sleep. I look down at my big belly, I can’t believe that two and a half months from now there will be a little girl added to the mix, four kids. I love the controlled chaos of my life and wouldn’t change it for the world.

My eyes slowly drag over to Martin, curled around my belly. He adjusted well, but I know it won’t always be smooth sailing. I’m hoping that all the love I’m hoping that he feels from us is enough to help him a little when things start to get rough. I hope that he always feels like he belongs and that we succeed in making him feel there’s no difference between him and our biological children aside from having another set of parents that loved him dearly. After the holiday, I’ll spend some time looking through social media and printing some of the photos of him and his family, for him to have. 

I lay there lost in thought for another hour. My phone buzzes on the nightstand and I quickly answer, before it can wake my bedful of boys.

“Hello.” I whisper.

“Hello, Garcia, sorry to bother you on Christmas Eve.” I hum. “There’s a long range serial killer operating in California that is accelerating quickly. I’m consulting from home. I was hoping you could help me by running some searches.”

“Yeah, Hotch. Give me a few minutes, I have to extract myself from a sleeping toddler.”

“It’s fine.” Hotch rushes to say. “You stay put, call me when it’s a better time. I still need to read through the case reports.”

“Thanks, Hotch. They should be up within the half hour.”

“Okay, Garcia, talk to you soon.” I hang up and put the phone back on the nightstand. I turn my head back and Luke is looking at me, with sleepy eyes.

“How are you feeling?” I ask, scratching at Luke’s scalp. He doesn’t answer, just closes his eyes, and takes a deep breath. I remain quiet and continue scratching at his scalp. Luke goes back to sleep and the boys start to wake up a half hour later. Luke wakes too, I’m sure feeling the twins moving under his arm. After a couple of minutes, Luke asks.

“Do you have a case?”

“Hotch has a consult from home, he just wants me to run a few searches.” I say, with a shrug, sitting up.

“I’ll get these guys changed and we’ll go downstairs so you can work.” He says, sitting up.

“Martin and I will go to the bathroom, see you in a few.” I say, leaning across the bed and kissing him. I take Martin’s hand and we make our way to the bathroom. I have him go before sending him back to the room and using the bathroom myself. I return to the room and laugh.

“What?” Luke asks, smiling at me.

“Your hair.” I point.

“Will you just put it in a ponytail for me? I’m sure between you running your fingers through it and my nap, it’s not looking it’s best.” He says.

I grab my bag and find a ponytail holder and a brush. I look in the boy’s bag and get their detangler spray. I finish Luke’s hair and he gives me a couple of kisses. Emilio crawls over on the bed and puts his arms up for me.

“Come on guys, let’s go downstairs and play.” Luke says to the boys.

“Do you want to go play?” I ask Leo, pulling him into my lap.

“No.” He says.

“I’ll just keep him with me for a little while.” I say to Luke. I lean over the edge of the bed and give Martin and Tony each a kiss, Luke bends down and kisses me again.

Luke grabs my laptop and work bag, bringing them to the bed for me before leaving the room with the boys. I turn Leo in my arms so that he’s straddling my hips and is curled around my big stomach, head resting on my chest, his arms are wrapped around me, holding on. I stack some of the pillows under my laptop and put on my headset, calling Hotch back. With one arm curled around Leo’s back, I talk to Hotch. A half hour later, I’m done, with Hotch thanking me and apologizing again for disturbing my holiday, he does say he may have to call back later.

Leo and I reach the bottom of the stairs just as the doorbell rings. I answer the door and am frozen in place for a minute before coming back to myself. “Hello, Mrs. Alvez, please come in.” I say, moving to the side.

“Hello.” She says. “I see you’re pregnant again.”

“Yes, a little girl, I’m due the very beginning of March.” I say, beaming as I close the door. 

“Hmm.” She says, not giving Leo or I a second look. She continues to the living room. “Luke?” She asks. “I hardly recognized you. What’s going on with your hair, son?”

“Oh.” Luke smiles, touching his hair. “I just woke up from a nap with the boys, my hair was a mess, so I had Penelope put it in a ponytail for me.” He says. I give Luke a smile and go to get Leo a snack, Martin follows me into the kitchen.

“Do you need something, sweetie?” I ask, running my hand over Martin’s head.

“I need to go potty.” He says.

“Can you go ask Luke? I’m gonna sit in here while Leo eats his snack.” I say, grabbing the box of graham crackers. Martin nods and runs out of the kitchen. I grab us both a yogurt from the refrigerator and sit down with Leo. Luke comes in the kitchen a few minutes later. He comes up to me and kisses my head, pulling me in for a side hug, I put my arm around his waist. “You okay?” I ask, already having a pretty good idea about the answer to that question.

“Not really. She’s already starting, and she’s been here for less than a half hour.” Luke says, taking a deep breath.

“I’m sorry.” I say, rubbing his back. He grabs a paper towel and cleans up Leo, before putting him down to go play. He cleans up his mess while I finish up my snack. Once we’re both done, I wrap my arms around him, he melts into my hug and we just stand together for a minute or two. He gives me a kiss and I ask. “You ready?” Luke nods, we both keep our arm wrapped around each other’s waist as we walk back out to the living room.

Luke and I both sit, and Martin comes back over to me, asking to sit with me. I pull him into my lap and cuddle him close. He’s turned slightly more clingy after his nap, I wonder if he feels the tension in the air.

“Who’s this?” Maria asks.

“This is Martin. We’re fostering him, and in the process of adopting him.”

“Luke? Is he yours?”

“He’s not biologically mine, Ma, no. But he is mine, just like the twins.”

“Why does he look just like you? You sure you didn’t make a baby with some woman while you were home between tours?”

“I’m sure, Ma.”

“How can you be sure?” She pushes.

“I just am.”

“It’s because he was a virgin before he met her.” Juan laughs, I glare at him.

“He was the victim in one of the cases I worked. I couldn’t get over how much he looked like Luke and my boys either, the first time I saw his photo.” I say.

“Oh, that reminds me.” Juanita says, standing up. “I found some of the photos from when Luke was that age.” She says, grabbing a small stack of photos from the table and handing them to Luke. I lean closer to Luke, resting my head on his arm, looking at the photos with him.

“We want to see, too.” Ebony pipes up, Luke passes the one’s we’ve already looked at over to her.

“That’s a little eerie.” I say, continuing to look at the photos with Luke.

“It is.” Luke laughs. “But you got your wish, so far.” Luke says in a low voice, handing the rest of the photos over. “Now we just have to see what she looks like.” He says, putting his hand on my stomach.

“What wish is that? To trap my son with a million children.” Maria says with an eye roll.

Just about everyone in the room shoots her a look, I shrink a little. Luke bends down and whispers in my ear. “Don’t worry about what she says, I love you and I love our family. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been.” He kisses my cheek and tightens his hold around my waist. “Penelope wants all our children to look like me for some reason.” Luke says.

“Because you are gorgeous and because the twins already look like you. I don’t want any of my kids to look like they don’t belong. My step-father is Hispanic, I have four step-brothers, even though my father and brothers were wonderful, it was always hard because I didn’t look like them.” I finish.

“I guess I can see what you mean, Penelope. I spent a while during your wedding reception, trying to reconcile you with your brothers.” Memo says.

“I can understand that.” Ebony says. “But things are so much different than they were when we were kids. There are so many more mixed race kids and blended families these days, it’s not completely unheard of for families not to look much alike.” She says.

“You’re right, Ebony, I know that. It’s just hard for me to move past a feeling that I’ve had for most of my life, of not belonging.” I say, tapping my hand to my chest.

“Well, maybe if you’d had kids with someone like yourself, you wouldn’t have to worry about this.” Maria says.

“Ma.” Luke snaps, causing Martin to jump in my arms. Leo comes running over to me.

“What? I’m just telling the truth.” She defends. Luke picks Leo up and he lays on Luke’s shoulder.

“You’re out of line Ma.” Luke practically growls, nostrils flaring. I lay my hand on his arm, trying to calm him down.

“It’s okay, Luke, don’t worry about it. She’s right, marrying and having kids with some white guy would have been easier in that way.” I say, quietly to Luke, he looks at me. “But that’s not what I want.” I assure. “Whatever this kid ends up looking like, we’re both going to love her. I bet we can help her to feel better about her differentness than I felt.” I say, laying my head on his other shoulder. My phone starts to vibrate, Luke grabs it off the table.

“It’s Hotch.” He says handing it to me.

“Hello.” I say, hefting Martin up and walking to the dining room.

“Hello, Garcia. I need you one more time, we’re closing in and need your help hacking into a live feed.”

“Give me a couple minutes to set up.” I say, walking towards the back stairs. Luke appears, takes Martin from my arms, and gives me a kiss before I start on my way up. I rush to get the computer set up.

“Okay, sir, I’m ready. What do you need?” I work for less than 5 minutes to hack into the live feed, patching everyone else in.

“Garcia can you run facial recognition…”

“Already working on it, sir.” I say, continuing to type. “Our shooter is Thomas Banks, Army special forces, he was discharged after his last mission 3 months ago over concerns over his mental health. His last mission he was MIA for 2 days, he was found holed up in a cave, he nearly shot his guys that came to rescue him.”

“What else can you tell me about him, Garcia?”

“Apparently, he’s known by the name T.J., he’s third generation Army. He enlisted right out of high school. He had a pretty average childhood, an only child. The abandoned office building he’s shooting from is where his mother, Brenda, worked for 30 years, she was fired when she missed too much work for her cancer treatments. His mother passed away yesterday.”

“Did you get all that Sargent Adams?”

“Yes, negotiators are working on talking him out.” I hold on the line for a while longer, holding my breath. “He’s surrendered and is being taken into custody. Thank you for everything you two.”

“You’re welcome sir.” I say, letting out a deep breath.

“Thank you, Garcia. Sorry to take up so much of your Christmas Eve.”

“It’s not a problem, sir. See you at work next week.”

I shut down my computer and put it away, taking my time to calm my racing heart. Once I’m done, I hurry down the stairs, needing to hold my boys. Luke sees the look on my face right away and meets me at the bottom of the steps, engulfing me in a hug.

“You okay?” He whispers in my ear.

“I will be, just coming down from all that adrenaline.”

“Did it end okay?”

“Yeah, he was taken in safely.” I say, we stand and hug for a couple more minutes, I can see Ebony, Luis and Memo looking on with concern in their eyes. I also feel little hands on my legs. We pull apart and I look down, all my boys are clinging to mine or Luke’s legs. “Mama’s okay, I’m okay.” I say, wiping a tear from my eye. I crouch down and open my arms and all three boys wrap their arms around me. Tony is the first to wander off to go play again. “It’s okay, guys, you can go play again. I promise.” I say, giving Martin and Leo a kiss. They both wander off a minute or so later and Luke helps me up.

We rejoin everyone in the living room and Memo asks.

“Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, I just had to help on a case. Everything’s fine.” I sniff, Luke rubs my back.

“You have to work on Christmas Eve?” Maria asks.

“Crime never stops.” I say with a chuckle.

“Does Luke stay at home with the kids while you run off and save the world?” Maria asks.

“I do, Ma, and I love every minute of it. I love every minute that I get to spend with my boys and I’m proud of Penelope for working long hours to keep us all safe. Because do you know how many bad guys are out there doing unspeakable things at any given time? You don’t because she’s out there taking care of it.”

“But don’t you think she…?”

“I don’t want to keep having the same discussion every time.” Luke says, raising his voice slightly, I squeeze his arm.

“Luke, sweetie.” I say, running my hand down the side of his face. “Just leave it, it’s okay.”

“It’s not okay. She’s been doing this for over two years now. I don’t want to keep defending every choice **we** make in **our** lives. I think the only reason she comes around is to make snide comments and to pick apart our lives, because it’s obviously not to get to know her grandchildren. I don’t even think she knows the difference between the twins.”

“Lucas Alvez, I did not raise you to be disrespectful!” Maria snaps.

“No, you didn’t, and Pop raised me to stand up for myself and that’s what I’m doing now. I’m not going to allow things to continue the way that they have. It’s not fair to the kids, who can obviously feel the tension, to Penelope or to me. One more backhanded compliment, one more scoff, one more snide comment or even an eyeroll and I’m packing up my family, driving back to Virginia and you will never see me again.” Luke says, nostrils flaring and breathing heavy. Maria looks at Luke with a horrified look on her face. The boys have wandered over and are standing in front of us.

“Luke, why don’t you go and take Roxy for a walk and calm down or we can go up to the room for a little while.” I suggest, pulling his head down on my shoulder and stroking his hair.

“Let’s take them upstairs for a little while. I think I scared them.” Luke says, into my shoulder. Luke scoops up the twins and I take Martin’s hand.

“We’ll be back in a little while.” I say to the group, ushering Luke upstairs.

We set everyone on the bed as well as the books we brought. Luke and I sit against the headboard and I pull Luke into a hug. He melts into me and cries on my shoulder for a couple minutes.

Emilio climbs on his lap with a book in his hand and says. “Read, Papa.”

Luke sits up and wipes his eyes and Martin asks. “Why Luke crying?”

“Because his Mama wasn’t being nice to him.” I say.

“Oh” Martin says. “Mama should be nice.”

“She should.” I say, looking at Luke, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Do you guys want to hear this story?” Luke asks Anthony and Martin. Tony climbs in Luke’s lap with Emilio and Martin climbs into my lap.

We spend some time cuddled together reading stories for a while.

“Feeling better?” I ask, touching my forehead to his, once the boys have returned to reading to themselves.

“Yeah, I’m sorry I scared the boys, that’s something that I never want to do.”

“They’re fine.” I assure. “Ready go to back downstairs or do you want to take a few more minutes?”

“A few more minutes.” He says, laying his head on my chest.

A while later we make our way back downstairs. Everyone stops talking and looks at us.

“I’m sorry about that, everyone.” Luke says with his head ducked as we enter the living room.

“You were fine, Luke. I think we can all agree, she was on a whole new level.” Ebony says and everyone nods. I look around the living room and see that Maria is gone. We have dinner shortly and enjoy the rest of the evening.


	6. A Weekend to Remember

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A birthday party and a birth.

The third Saturday in February and Luke and I are putting the final touches on decorating and prepping for Martin’s third birthday party. The boys are upstairs napping, it was hard to get Martin down, he was too excited about his birthday. I requested the day off months ago and told Hotch there was no possible way I was working today, non-negotiable, this is his first birthday with us.

Ebony, Luis, and the kids moved to Virginia about three weeks ago. The cousins have had lots of playdates with each other since. We did connect with Rosa’s dad, Javier, he was very open to keeping the two in contact with one another. So far, we’ve seen them once since and it was a heart-warming reunion. Martin squealed her name as they both ran to each other and hugged. There was not a dry adult eye in the room.

We’ve talked to Martin some more about his parents, whenever he brings them up. Every now and again he asks where they are again and every time we talk about death and its permanence. I’ve made him a couple of books with photos of his biological family, sometimes he spends long periods looking at the photos, maybe trying to remember what he’s missing.

We got him into therapy, just after the turn of the year. He goes once a week and we try to make it a special time for just he and I or him and Luke. There was a session at the beginning of February that must have stirred something in him. We came home from that one and there was a night of meltdown after meltdown. Finally, Luke took him to the nursery, wrapped him in his favorite blanket and gave him his dog. Luke said they just quietly rocked for a long while. He eventually fell asleep and Luke just held him long into the night.

Luke, the boys, and I did all the baking for the party. That was only the third time I’ve baked with Martin and the first time with the twins. I have to be sure to find time to do more of that with the boys. Juanita and I worked on Martin’s cake together, a two layer marble cake with white frosting and crushed Oreos sprinkled on top.

We can hear Leo and Tony talking and Martin rattling the gate at the top of the stairs. We go up and greet everyone. Letting the twins sit on the potty, before putting a dry diaper on. They’ve been showing an interest lately, since they’ve seen that Martin goes potty. We’re not actively trying with the baby coming anytime now, but it makes them feel proud just to sit. Once everyone’s bathroom needs are taken care of, we head downstairs and have a quick snack before it’s time for guests to arrive.

Ebony, Luis, and the kids are the first to arrive, followed closely by JJ, Will and Henry. The kids are already off running around together. Hotch and Jack arrive next, he hands me an envelope from ‘Grandpa Rossi.’ Derek and Keisha show up together, I raise an eyebrow at the two, but don’t say anything. An hour into the party and we start to wonder if Rosa and Javier are coming when the doorbell rings.

“Sorry, we’re late, I had to work a little late.” Javier says.

“No problem, come in.” Before I can call Martin, he comes running over. He takes Rosa’s hand and leads her to the group.

I wander into the kitchen, take a seat at the island and take a couple of deep breaths.

“Everything okay?” JJ asks, coming to stand beside me.”

“Yeah, fine.” I say, smiling at her. “Just taking a minute.” I say, standing up. I’ve been having contractions this afternoon, but just like work’s not going to pull me away, labor won’t either. Luke catches my eye across the room and walks over to me, wrapping his arms around me.

“You okay?” He asks.

“Yeah, just having some contractions.” His eyes grow wide and I can see him start to panic. “It’s fine, they’re not too bad and their still erratic, we have lots of time. I just want to enjoy our boy’s birthday.” I say.

“Okay.” He says. “You’ll let me know if anything changes?” He asks, putting his hands on my stomach.

“I promise.” I say, giving him a kiss. “Now, come on, help me grab the ice cream and all that.” I say, taking his hand.

We sing ‘Happy Birthday’ and have cake and ice cream, Rosa helps Martin to blow his candles out. Martin opens his presents and the party winds down. Luke and I pull Ebony and JJ aside, the plan is for Martin to stay with JJ and for Ebony to bring her twins over and stay with our twins, when I go to the hospital. We let them know about my contractions and to maybe keep their phones close.

We rejoin the party and start to say goodbye to our guest.

Luke insists that I lay down for a while, once the party’s over. Leo decides to come with me. We lay and cuddle for a while before Luke comes to get him for dinner and he tells me he’ll bring me some in a little while.

I wake to see the boys crawling on the bed, Luke sitting on the edge.

“Sorry, I told them to be extra quiet so they didn’t wake you.”

“It’s fine.” I say. “I didn’t want to miss out on story time anyway.” I smile at him.

Everyone arranges themselves in the bed and Luke reads the three stories that were picked. We all cuddle in bed together until all the boys fall asleep.

“How are you feeling?” He whispers, once the boys have drifted off.

“I’m okay. They’re getting a little stronger. My back is starting to hurt. I want to labor at home as long as I can. Hopefully make it till morning.”

Luke hums. “Are you hungry at all? I brought you dinner, but you were asleep.”

“A little, I don’t want anything too heavy.”

“How about I heat you up some tomato soup?” I nod. “I’ll put these guys in their beds and bring it up. Then I’ll give you a back massage after.” Luke says, leaning over the ocean of boys to kiss me.

“That sounds good, Luke. Thank you.”

“No need for thanks, you’re doing the hard work.” He says.

Once the bed has been cleared and I eat a little dinner, I fall asleep while Luke is giving me a massage. The first five hours, until about 2 in the morning are good, the pain in my lower back intensifies. I lay there in pain for as long as I can, before I need to turn to my other side, knowing it’s going to wake Luke. Just as I make it to the other side, I feel Luke scoot closer and drop a kiss on my shoulder.

“You okay?” Luke sleepily asks.

“Yeah, the pain in my back is getting worse, sorry to wake you.”

“Do you want another massage, see if you can get some more sleep?”

“Yes.” I say.

Luke sits up and works on my back again and again I fall asleep. I’m in and out of sleep for the next four hours, until a little after 6, when the pain gets to be too much. I decide to get up and try some walking to see if I can get some relief from my back pain. I scoot away from Luke as gently as I can and put my feet on the floor, I breathe a sigh of relief, thinking I made it without waking Luke when I hear laughter behind me.

“I’m not sleeping, you know?”

“Well, I know now.” I huff.

“I think it’s time to go to the hospital, you seem like you’re in a lot of pretty constant pain.” Luke says, standing up and walking over to me.

“Yeah, it probably is time, but I want to see our boys before we go.” I say, resting my forehead on his chest, Luke runs his hands up and down my back.

“I don’t want you to wait too late. I don’t think you want to have this baby at home.” Luke says, kissing my head and digging his fingers in the small of my back.

“I don’t, maybe just another hour?” I bargain.

“I’m not gonna agree to that, we don’t know what’s gonna happen. I should start making phone calls.” Luke says as we sway together for a while.

“You know what I remember?”

“What?” Luke asks.

“I remember you singing to me when I was in labor with the boys.” I smile, Luke smiles at me.

“That’s what you remember, huh?” Luke asks.

“Yep, the only thing I remember from my whole labor.” I joke, Luke pulls me closer before he starts singing quietly to me.

What would I do without your smart mouth?  
Drawing me in, and you kicking me out  
You've got my head spinning, no kidding, I can't pin you down  
What's going on in that beautiful mind?  
I'm on your magical mystery ride  
And I'm so dizzy, don't know what hit me, but I'll be alright

My head's under water  
But I'm breathing fine  
You're crazy and I'm out of my mind

'Cause all of me  
Loves all of you  
Love your curves and all your edges  
All your perfect imperfections  
Give your all to me  
I'll give my all to you  
You're my end and my beginning  
Even when I lose I'm winning  
'Cause I give you all of me  
And you give me all of you, oh-oh

How many times do I have to tell you?  
Even when you're crying, you're beautiful too  
The world is beating you down, I'm around through every mood  
You're my downfall, you're my muse  
My worst distraction, my rhythm and blues  
I can't stop singing, it's ringing, in my head for you

My head's under water  
But I'm breathing fine  
You're crazy and I'm out of my mind

'Cause all of me  
Loves all of you  
Love your curves and all your edges  
All your perfect imperfections  
Give your all to me  
I'll give my all to you  
You're my end and my beginning  
Even when I lose I'm winning  
'Cause I give you all of me  
And you give me all of you, oh-oh  
Give me all of you, oh

Cards on the table, we're both showing hearts  
Risking it all, though it's hard

'Cause all of me  
Loves all of you  
Love your curves and all your edges  
All your perfect imperfections  
Give your all to me  
I'll give my all to you  
You're my end and my beginning  
Even when I lose I'm winning  
'Cause I give you all of me  
And you give me all of you

I give you all of me  
And you give me all of you, oh-oh

Luke finishes and kisses my head. I turn my face up to him and he kisses me a few times. “I’m gonna go grab my phone and text the both of them.” Luke says, I nod. He returns to me momentarily and throws his phone on the bed. “Anything I can do for you, right now?” He asks, wrapping his arms around me.

“Just hold me.” I say. “Maybe a distraction?”

“You know.” Luke says as his phone dings, he reaches a hand out to grab it off the bed, he types a quick message behind me and throws the phone back on the bed. “We still haven’t decided on a name yet for this little one.”

“I know, I think we should meet her and decide.” I say.

“Maybe we can narrow it down from the 6 we’re thinking of.” Luke suggests.

“Isabella, that’s definitely one of my top names.”

“Mine too. Ana, to me is too short and too close to Anthony for me.”

“Yeah, I guess we can drop that one.” I agree.

“I worry about people mispronouncing Alicia, Estrella and Amaia all the time. Is that a headache that we want to take on for the rest of our lives.”

“You’re right, but, I really want to keep the name Estrella in the running. I think enough people have knowledge about how to pronounce the double L.” I plead.

“Okay, whatever you want.” Luke chuckles putting one hand on my stomach. “So, we’ve narrowed your name down to Maya, that Mama and Papa already agreed on, Isabella and Estrella. What do you think about that, little one?” Luke asks. “We’re all really excited to meet you later today.” Luke says, his phone starts to ring and he picks it up from the bed and answers. “Hello…..Sorry Ebony, we’re upstairs, I’ll be down in a minute.” Luke hangs up and throws the phone back on the bed. “I’m gonna go let her in, I’ll be right back.” Luke says, kissing me before finding a pair of sweatpants to put on and heading out of the room. I sit down on the edge of the bed and take some deep breaths.

JJ arrives close to 7. They help us load our bags in the car while we wake the boys. We bring them to our bed where we snuggle and talk again about me going to the hospital and coming home with a baby. We read our big brother book one more time, give everyone final hugs and kisses and lead them down to Ebony and JJ. Luke helps me in and shuts my door, he calls Dr. Wade as he walks around the car and gets himself settled in. He leans over and gives me one more kiss before starting the engine and getting on our way. The pain intensifies, probably because I don’t have the distraction of our boys. My breath hitches and Luke looks over, takes one of my hands from my stomach and holds it.

“Let’s breathe together.” He says, guiding me through some deep breathing exercises until we get to the hospital.

Arriving at the hospital is a blur of activity. I’m given an exam and am 8 centimeters. I request to labor in the pool for a while, remembering how helpful it was when I was in labor with the twins. Luke of course climbs in with me. Luke sits behind me and peppers me with kisses and encouragement for a while.

Right now, Luke’s back is against the edge of the pool, I’m in a squatting position facing him with my head resting on his shoulder. He’s rubbing my back.

“You’re doing such an amazing job.” Luke says to me. “You’re so strong, I hope our daughter is just like you.” He says, kissing the side of my sweat soaked head.

“It feels like she’s coming right now.” I mumble into Luke’s neck.

“What?” He asks.

“It feels like she’s coming right now. I need to push, and I can’t stop.” I say.

Luke yells for a nurse continuing to rub my back. “Are you delivering her right now?” Luke asks as the water turns pink. 

“She’s coming right now.” I breathe out. A nursing team helps to get me out of the water and onto a bed. I can’t help but to push with every contraction besides them telling me not to. Dr. Wade walks in the room and quickly gets gloved up.

“Her head is partially delivered, Penelope, keep pushing.”

Luke is holding my hand, which I’m sure that I’m crushing, his other hand is running through my hair. “You’re doing it, Penelope, your body is amazing.” Luke says to me.

“Slow down, Penelope, you’re starting to tear.” Dr. Wade says.

“I can’t.” I cry.

“Just for a couple seconds.” Dr. Wade says.

“I can’t, I can’t.” I cry out. “I need to push.”

“Okay, Penelope” Dr. Wade says.

A couple minutes later, the sounds of our daughter fill the room. She’s laid on my chest and I wrap my arms around her. Luke runs his hand over her head of light, matted hair.

“She was in a hurry to get out.” Luke says. “I hope she didn’t hurt you too bad.”

“That was way more painful than I remember with the boys.” I say as Luke kisses my forehead.

“They were tiny, she looks a lot bigger.” Luke says, running his finger over her tiny hand. “She’s beautiful, just like her Mama.” Luke says, giving us each a kiss.

The nurse takes her to get measured, weighed, and checked out.

“You’re going to need a couple of stitches. They’ll dissolve on their own in a couple of weeks. You’re going to be sore for a while to come.” Dr. Wade finishes.

Luke brings her back to me a few minutes later, all wrapped up in a blanket, with a cap on her head.

“8 pounds, 6 oz.” Luke says, kissing her cheek before handing her over to me. “3 pounds bigger than Emilio and 3 and a half pounds bigger than Anthony, no wonder she hurt more.”

“Yeah, I had to get a couple of stitches. She’ll definitely fit the cloth diapers and the clothes, no problem, not like the twins.” I turn my attention to the baby in my arms. She’s got the biggest, most adorable cheeks and she’s got some little baby chub. She’s got Luke’s coloring, I think, underneath her newborn redness. “She has your nose.” I say, running my finger along her nose, smiling up at Luke.

“Great.” Luke smiles. “I’m sorry, little one.” He says.

“Stop it.” I laugh at him.

“I think she’s going to be a mix of the two of us, if that hair is anything to go off of.” Luke says.

We marvel at her for a while longer and I breastfeed her before we’re taken to a room.

Once we’re in the room, we’re set up on the couch. I cuddle into Luke’s side while he holds our little girl.

“Blue eyes and blonde hair, huh? Looks like she got at least a little of you.” Luke says.

“The boys had blue eyes too for almost the first year, so you never know.” I shrug.

“True, or maybe she’ll just look like her Mama.” Luke says, I roll my eyes. “Look, I know you have your reasons for her to look like me and I understand your reasoning as much as I can, not having the same experience. But I don’t know, there’s something about having a little girl that looks like you that I like.”

“Hm.” I hum, noncommittally. “She still needs a name. What are you thinking?”

“I think we should go with the first one we fell in love with, Isabella.”

“Looks like you have a name, little girl.” I say, sitting up a little and looking at her. She flutters her eyes open and looks at Luke.

“Isabella Rose, what do you think of that name?” Luke asks, Isabella yawns and closes her eyes again.

“I guess she doesn’t care.” I laugh, Luke joins. “Should we call the boys and check in on them?” I ask, excitedly.

“Are you up for that?” Luke asks. “You sure you don’t want to take a nap?”

“I am tired. But I want to talk to my boys first.” I say. Luke takes his phone out of his pocket and starts a video call with JJ.

“Hello.” JJ answers.

“Hi JJ.” I say, waving.

“You had her already?” JJ asks. “You’ve only been gone for like 4 hours, why does it look like you’re already in a room?”

“We are. I had her about an hour and a half after we arrived.”

“Wow, congratulations. What’s her name?” JJ asks.

“Isabella Rose. How’s Martin doing?” I ask, anxious for information on my big boy.

“He’s doing okay, now, he’s playing with Henry. He cried a little when you both left and was pretty quiet for the first hour, but he’s been fine since.”

“How long did he cry?” I ask, getting upset. Luke runs his hand up and down my arm.

“It was only for like 5 minutes, Penelope. Ebony held him and he calmed down pretty quick.”

“Can I see him? Can I talk to him?” I ask.

“Yeah, hold on.” JJ says while walking. We can hear her calling Martin. “Penelope and Luke are on the phone they want to talk to you.” She finishes.

“Martin, hi.” I say. “Are you having fun with Henry?” He nods.

“You have baby?” He asks.

“Yeah, she’s not in my tummy anymore.” Luke focuses the camera on Isabella. “Her name is Isabella.”

“Isabella sleeping.” He says.

“Yeah, she sleeps a lot.” Luke chimes in.

“Oh.” Martin says. “When we go home?”

“Tomorrow at naptime.” I say.

“Naptime?” He asks, hopefully.

“Not today, naptime, tomorrow naptime. Remember we talked about tomorrow? The day that comes after you go to bed when it’s dark and wake up when it’s light.” Luke explains.

“Okay.” Martin says.

“You keep being a sweet boy for JJ and Will and have lots of fun and we’ll see you tomorrow. I love you!” I say blowing him kisses.

“I love you. I can’t wait to see you tomorrow.” Luke says.

“I love you.” Martin smiles, blowing kisses too. “See you tomorrow.” He says waving, before JJ ends the call. I cry into Luke’s chest for a couple of minutes, while he continues to rub my arm.

“He’s okay, Penelope. JJ and Will are taking good care of him. Are you ready to talk to the twins?” Luke asks.

“Give me a minute.” I say, wiping my eyes and taking a couple of deep breaths. “Okay, I’m ready.” I say as I blow out a breath. Luke starts a video call with Ebony, she doesn’t answer, I try not to panic.

“I’m sure she’s just busy.” Luke says, trying to soothe me. Luke’s phone rings a few minutes later.

“Hey, Luke, sorry, I was just finishing up potty and diaper time before lunch.” Ebony says, looking to the side.

“No worries, we were just calling to check in.” Luke says.

“Wow, did Penelope have her already?” Ebony asks, finally focusing on the phone.

“She did. Her name is Isabella Rose.”

“She’s so cute? How are you feeling, Penelope?” Ebony asks.

“Okay, kind of tired. I just wanted to check on the boys before I took a nap.” I say.

“They’re in their highchairs.” She turns the camera around.

“Hi Leo, hi Tony.” I wave.

The boys both look up and say. “Mama.”

“Papa’s here too.” I say. Luke turns the camera slightly and waves.

“Hi Papa.” They both wave back. “Baby?” Leo asks, pointing.

“Yeah, the baby’s not in Mama’s belly anymore. Here’s your baby sister, Isabella.” I explain.

“Sister, Isbella.” Tony says.

“You guys finish your lunch we’ll see you tomorrow. Bye.” Luke says, waving, they wave back.

“How have they been, Ebony?” I ask.

“They’ve been happy, they’ve had a great time running around with Matt and Alex. We went out for a little walk this morning.” 

“Oh, good. I’m glad to hear they’re doing well. Thank you again for watching them, so Luke can be here with me, it means a lot to me.”

“It’s really no problem, enjoy your time getting to know her. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Ebony finishes.

“I love her so much.” I say to Luke after we hang up.

“Yeah, she is great.” Luke agrees. “Do you need help to get to the bed?” Luke asks.

“Yeah, I’m pretty sore.” I say, sitting up.

“I’ll just go put her in her basinet and I’ll be back to help you.” Luke says, standing up.

Once I’m settled back in the bed, I say. “I want to nurse her again, before I go to sleep, will you bring her to me?”

“Yes.” Luke says, walking over to me, he gives me a kiss while handing her over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song in this chapter is "All Of Me" by John Legend. (I don't own the rights, sadly.)


	7. A Perfect Addition

The next day, I’m lying in bed, nursing Isabella, waiting for my boys to wake up. Luke is getting some laundry done and getting dinner prepped for later, so that we can be 100% available to the boys when they get up.

Both Ebony and JJ officially met Isabella and Juanita came by for a short time as well. Ebony had to get Matt, Alex and Jasmine loaded up to pick Priya and Santi up at school, before too long. It took some convincing that we were going to be okay with all four kids for JJ to leave. But we tell her how much we just want to spend the rest of the day with just the six of us, reconnecting.

It sounds like Martin had a bit of a hard time when he came back home, and Luke and I weren’t here. He had an intense meltdown, they debated on calling us. In hindsight, I realize it probably wasn’t best to have the child who was in foster care for 2 months, bumped around from place to place and person to person, be the one that spent the night out of the home. I would imagine he was pretty nervous being away from home and was downright scared, I’m sure, when Luke and I weren’t here when he got back. Being with us, at our house is the most stability he’s had over the last 5 months.

Luke comes and lays down behind Isabella, kissing me and putting his arm around her and me, squeezing my hip.

“How are you feeling?” Luke asks.

“Tired. Sore. Anxious. I just want to hold my boys.”

“They’ll be up soon. Try to enjoy this quiet time with her right now.”

“I should, but I missed them so much. And then to hear that we made the wrong call with Martin.” I say.

“I missed them too. We did, but he’ll be okay. We’ll do better the next time, right?” Luke asks, leaning over to kiss me.

“We will.” I agree. “So’d you get everything done?”

“Yep, the laundry’s in the dryer. I’ll grab it tonight before bed. Dinner is prepped and ready to go for tonight. 

A little bit later, I hear a little Emilio noise.

“Leo’s awake.” I excitedly tell Luke.

“How do you know that?” He asks with a smile.

“I heard a little Leo noise.”

“I didn’t hear anything.”

“I did, I swear. Can you just go check, please?” I nudge him.

Luke gets up with a big smile. “I’m telling you I didn’t hear anything.”

A minute later, Luke returns to our room, Emilio and he locked in an embrace.

“Mama.” He squeals when he sees me.

“Come here sweet boy.” I say, sitting up and putting my arms out. Luke walks around the bed and hands him to me. I pull him in close and attack him with kisses.

Martin comes running into our room, a couple minutes later. He tries to climb up on the bed, Luke lifts him on the bed and gives him a hug. Martin holds on for a while, Luke holds him tight until Martin decides to let go. Luke points out the baby laying on the bed and tells Martin to be careful crawling around her and over to me. I pull Martin in and give him a big hug while Leo sits between my legs.

Tony wakes last and we spend some time reuniting with him too. We spend about an hour and a half in bed snuggling, making introductions, letting the boys hold Isabella, encouraging them to give her kisses and of course, reading stories. The boys all seem to love her immediately, she comes away with the nickname Baby Bella. Isabella even woke up for a little while, Martin talked to her for a while. Watching the two melted my heart and brought tears to my eyes, as he chattered away, and she looked right at him. The boys were as gentle as they could be, giving her love, Isabella, to her credit took it all in stride. It seems that maybe she’ll fit in nicely.

We eventually get up and get the boys a late snack. We kind of dropped the ball there, but they didn’t seem like they minded. I sit at the island with the boys, nursing Isabella and eating a little snack of my own. Luke sits down next to me and kisses my forehead.

We spend the first week at home, in our own little bubble. Luke skips his support group and does his therapy by phone. We debate for a couple of days and decide to cancel Martin’s session for the week, being at home, all together seems like what we need most right now. We bundle up and get out for a couple of walks during the week, but for the most part we spend it inside.

The following week, we decide it’s time to ease us all back to reality outside of our home and our family. Monday early evening, Ebony comes over to help out while Luke goes to his support group, he stops for a quick visit to Phil afterwards. Everyone’s excited to see him when he returns. Tuesday, we have Keisha come over to take the boys to music class, playground, and lunch. The twins are excited to go to music class. Martin attaches himself to Luke, with his head buried in Luke’s neck. He completely refuses to go with Keisha, and we don’t push. We spend our morning, taking it easy, quietly playing and reading books.

Wednesday, the team comes home from a case. They all skip out of work a little early and come over to meet Isabella. Rossi takes over our kitchen and cooks for everyone. We enjoy an evening of laughter and comradery. 

Thursday Keisha comes over to take the boys for story time at the library. They’ll hang out at the library and stop at Emilio’s for lunch after. Again, Martin refuses to go, we push just slightly, but he doesn’t budge. Luke takes Isabella downstairs with him during his phone therapy appointment, while I spend it with the boys.

Friday, we spend the day at home. Martin has a therapy appointment just after nap that Luke takes him to.

The third week, Martin starts referring to Isabella as his sister. The first time he does, Luke and I stiffen and look at each other, debating whether to correct him. While we love him and plan to adopt him, have him be with us forever and we treat him just like the rest of our kids, we’ve been very careful about not referring to her as his sister. We keep it in the back of our minds that he may be removed from us and we may not be able to adopt him as planned.

Family must be the thing on Martin’s mind that week. He spends more time with his photo books of his biological family, throughout the week. Toward the end of the week, he starts to call Luke and I, Papa and Mama, too. Luke talks to his therapist about it at the end of Martin’s appointment. He assured Luke that it was perfectly normal for a child as young as him. We’re filling the role of his parents. With Leo and Tony calling us Mama and Papa, he’s surprised that he didn’t start calling us that sooner.

That same week, Luke snaps an adorable picture of me nursing Isabella alongside all the boys sitting on the couch ‘nursing’ their babies. There have been a lot of questions about what I’m doing with baby Isabella. Martin’s been very curious about the difference between boys and girls. Martin ‘helps’ me change Isabella’s diaper sometimes and has noticed the difference. He’s seen Luke in nothing but his underwear quite a few times, since that’s how he sleeps, I’ve always made the effort to be more covered up, breastfeeding Isabella is the most exposed I’ve been in front of him. It’s hard to know how much information is appropriate, Luke and I are not prudes, by any stretch of the imagination, with our biological children and with Martin, once he’s adopted, we plan to be pretty open about our bodies and how their just a natural part of everyone. 

The fourth week, we try to keep up with our routine. We have a meeting scheduled with Martin’s case manager on Wednesday, late morning. I’m in the middle of feeding Isabella when the doorbell rings, I go to answer while Luke ushers the boys downstairs.

“Hello, Mrs. Campbell. How are you?” I ask, as she comes in and I close the door.

“Hello, Penelope. I’m good.” She answers.

“Please come sit down.” I offer, leading her to the living room.

“Hello, Martin.” She greets brightly when she sees him. She takes a seat in the armchair and I sit on the couch. Martin looks at her and puts his arms up to Luke. Luke picks him up and says in a low voice.

“Can you say hi to Mrs. Campbell?”

“Hi.” Martin quickly waves before burying his face in Luke’s neck. Luke sits down next to me, holding Martin on his shoulder and resting his hand on my knee.

“I’m not here to take you anywhere, Martin. I just came by for a little visit.” Mrs. Campbell assures. Martin allows Luke to turn him around and sit him down on his lap. Leo wanders over with a couple of books and climbs up on the couch, sitting next to me. “How has everything been going the past month?” She asks.

“Good. We’ve both been home for the past month. We’ve spent a ton of time together as a family.” I say.

“Martin, who is this?” She asks, indicating Isabella.

“My sister, Baby Bella.”

“What do you do with Baby Bella?” Mrs. Campbell asks.

“I talk to her. I hold her. I feed her bottle.”

“It sounds like you’re doing a good job taking care of the baby.” Martin nods. “How’s he adjusting to having her around?”

“He’s needed a little more love, comfort and encouragement. I think it was hard on him while we were away at the hospital, it took him a couple of weeks before he would leave us to go out with the nanny again. He really seems to love her and wants to help take care of her all the time.” I conclude. Martin wiggles off of Luke’s lap and goes to play blocks with Tony.

“Has it been a hard transition to go from two to four kids in a little over three months?”

“Not as hard as most would think.” Luke starts. “I mean we went from zero to two kids at once, adding another wasn’t hard. Penelope has always run a tight ship.” Luke smiles at me. “The twins have been on a schedule since pretty early on, that definitely helps to order the chaos. He fell into a routine with us almost right away.”

“Routine is a pretty big key to controlling the chaos.” She smiles. “What does a typical day look like for you all, right now?” She asks.

“We’re usually up by 8 at the latest. We have breakfast all together. The nanny comes two to three mornings a week and takes the boys to music class, story time at the library and sometimes another outing, that gives Luke and I time to get some chores done around the house. On the mornings they stay home, we sometimes play out in the backyard, do art or have Luke’s little cousins come over to play. Lunchtime is 11:30.” I turn to Luke. “Will you go….?”

“Yes.” He says, giving me a kiss before standing up. “Excuse me.” He says, before walking off to the kitchen.

“Naptime is 12:30. They wake up around 3, we have snack, play, dinner is 6. 8:00, we cuddle in our bed and Luke reads bedtime stories and they go to sleep in their own beds.”

“Wow, you really do run a tight ship.” Mrs. Campbell smiles.

“I think some structure is important, it just adds to their feeling of safety and trust when they can predict what will happen.” I say.

“You’re right.” Mrs. Campbell agrees. Luke comes back and gathers the boys for lunch, leading them to the kitchen. “So, I noticed that Martin called Isabella his sister. Did you guys tell him that or…?”

“We didn’t, no. We’ve told the twins and we read a few books about becoming a big brother before she was born to get them already for what to expect. He calls Luke and I, Papa and Mama too. His therapist says that both are perfectly fine and natural with him being so young.”

“They are. It looks like you two are doing a wonderful job with him. It seems like he’s happy and adjusting well. Can I share something with you Penelope?”

“Sure.” I say.

“You two are excellent with him. It’s so nice to see your interactions with him, since my first visit, I could see how much you both loved him, how much love is in this house. I know that people tend to be on their best behavior with me, I’ve gotten pretty good at noticing the little things and seeing beyond what people want me to. You two are just as great as you appear to be and it’s refreshing.” She says, I wipe a tear from my eye.

“We do love him. Luke fell in love with him as soon as I brought him home. I can’t wait till he’s really ours and we don’t have to worry about him possibly being taken away.”

“That’s not something you two have to worry about and he may be yours sooner than you think.” She says.

“Do you have information?” I ask, trying not to be too hopeful.

“We haven’t found any family in almost six months and we don’t expect to. You two have already been certified as foster parents, you both hold federal jobs and there’s no parents to contest this adoption. I can see things moving forward very quickly for you all. I wouldn’t be surprised if it happened within the next couple of months.”

“Oh my god, are you serious?” I ask.

“Yes. Now that’s off the record of course.”

“Of course.” I say with a smile. “Thank you.”

“I’ll just say goodbye to Martin and be on my way.” I lead her to the kitchen with a huge smile on my face. I walk to Luke and we each wrap an arm around each other, he kisses my forehead and he whispers in my ears.

“What are you so happy about?”

“I’ll tell you during naptime.” I say. Mrs. Campbell has one last discussion with Martin while he eats his lunch and I show her out.

Naptime, Luke, Isabella, and I are cuddled on the couch. Luke is holding Isabella while she sleeps, and I’m completely melted into his side.

“So, what have you been so happy about?” Luke asks.

“Well, Mrs. Campbell says that Martin could be officially ours within the next couple of months.”

“Wow, that would be amazing and quicker than we thought.” Luke says, excitement in his voice, tightening his hold on me.

“She also talked about how much she sees that we genuinely love him.”

“We do, he was ours from the moment you went to pick him up.”

“See, that’s what I love about you, Luke. You opened your heart and your home to a child you had never met, just for me. I brought him in, and you loved him immediately, not a lot of people would do that. And not just any child, one that was maybe a little damaged. You’ve been patient and loving with him, even in the middle of his worse meltdowns. I love that you’ve become his person that he can come to and you’ll just hold him until his storm passes.”

Luke shrugs. “I know a little something about being damaged, you were the one who helped me when I was in the same state. Even though I wasn’t having meltdowns like him, I was dealing with it all internally. You saved me, so that I could love him, so that I could love anyone.”

“I couldn’t have chosen a better person to spend my life with, to have kids with.” I say, sitting up, slightly and kissing him.

“I couldn’t imagine doing this with anyone else. So, are we really done? Do you want to go for number five, we could have some fun trying.” Luke says, flirtatiously. “Or we could adopt.”

“I can’t believe you’re talking about number five while holding our one month old.” I chuckle.

“I know you were pretty set on five. I want you to know that if that’s still something you want, I’m open to it. Whether number five comes through you or another path, I’m down.”

“Your mother would love that.” I scoff. “I’ve already trapped you with four kids.” I say with an eyeroll.

“You know that’s not how I feel, at all, right?” Luke asks. I remain quiet, not answering his question. “Penelope?” He calls my name.

“Well, I did kind of trap you. I got pregnant within the first few days we were together. I should have been thinking about birth control. And you’re such an honorable guy, of course you would stay with me and marry me and raise the kids together.”

“That’s not at all how it happened.” Luke says, removing his arm from around me and looking down at me. “You didn’t just get pregnant, I had an equal part in that, I could have thought about birth control or putting on a condom, but I didn’t. The creation of the twins is both of our responsibility.” Luke says.

“But honestly.” I say, sitting up and looking at him. “Would you honestly have married me so soon, if I wasn’t pregnant when you got back, or at all?” I ask.

“Did you forget that I proposed to you before I left? I wanted to marry you as soon as I got back, pregnancy or no pregnancy.”

“But what if you’ve had second thoughts and you’ve just stayed with me because of the kids?” I ask, not looking at Luke. I see Luke standing up out of the corner of my eye, I chance a glance up and see him putting Isabella in the swing. I feel him sit back on the couch and he lifts me into his lap.

“No what if, in every possible scenario I wanted to marry you. I’ve never had a second thought. Before you, I didn’t imagine doing this at all. But I love the life, the family we created, now I couldn’t imagine my life any other way. Have I not been doing enough to show you how much I love you?” I shake my head, violently.

“No, it’s not that.” I say.

“Then what is it? I’m sorry, I haven’t been as affectionate lately, we’ve got a lot going on.” Luke says.

“No, you’ve been perfect. I always feel your love. I guess I just let your mon get to me with her comment at Christmas.”

“Just like you tell me every time, I’m going to tell you, she’s wrong. I’ve never felt trapped, I’ve felt honored to get to spend my life with you and our kids, surrounded by love that I never thought that I would have, that I never thought that I was worthy of.”

“You’ve always been worthy. Thank you for reminding me not to listen to your mother.” I chuckle.

“So, number five? You never answered my question.” Luke says, kissing my neck, running his hand up and down my thigh.

“I don’t know, we’ll have to see what happens. You know we can’t work on that right now though?” I ask.

“I know, but we can still make out right now.” Luke says, kissing my neck as I giggle.


End file.
